Loneliness of a God
by LuckyLadybug
Summary: UPDATED AUGUST 11TH! Post AC. Upon receiving a message from the Sephiroth who had been his friend, Zack sets out to find him and help free him from his hatred and his madness. But Sephiroth's dark side does not intend to let it happen.
1. Regrets

**Final Fantasy VII**

**Loneliness of a God**

**By LuckyLadybug**

**Notes: The characters are not mine, and the story is! It was directly inspired by the prompt "Regrets" at the Mako Reactor community on Livejournal. It is a story AU from _Twilight and Dawn_, taking place after _Dirge of Cerberus_. I honestly don't know if I will be continuing this at all, as I prefer my _T&D _universe, but the idea for this first chapter refused to go away until I wrote it down. And no, I don't think Sephiroth is a god, but that is what he wanted to achieve after he lost his mind, hence the title.  
**

* * *

**Chapter One**

It was lonely, being a god.

Not that he would have ever admitted it aloud, or even consciously thought it. Most of the time, his thought process was not even sane or stable. All he could usually concentrate on was collecting more power, restoring Gaia to its rightful hands---his, of course---and getting his revenge on the boy foolish enough to have been able to defeat him several times now. But the more he attempted these things, the emptier he felt. And the more knowledge he accumulated, deep down, he felt as though he knew less and less.

And there were still times, even now, when he felt as if he was awakening from a long daze or sleep, when he felt the veil being pulled back from his eyes and revealing all of what he had been doing while he had been in a trancelike state. At those times, he recoiled in horror and revulsion. _No!_ he would silently exclaim. No, he could not have been responsible for all of that! What was the matter with him? He was not that sort of person. He knew then that his actions had been abominable, the exact opposite of what he usually believed them to be.

He was ill, he was downright mad! He could never have done all of those things while being sane. He could never have burned Nibelheim to the ground, or killed someone as kind and good as Aerith, or attempted to unleash a calamity as treacherous as Meteor. But he had done it all. And he could never forgive himself. He would never use the excuse that he had been insane. That did not change what had happened.

It had been his own, dark feelings and fears that Jenova had taken and twisted at Nibelheim. And once he had lost his mind, it had been his hatred driving his actions. He had believed that everything was as his warped brain had processed it---that he was not human, that Jenova was the true ruler of the planet, and that he was also the true ruler, since she was his mother. He had believed that Gaia was in the sorry state it was in because of taking the planet away from him and her, the Ancients, and that all of the people were responsible and deserved to perish.

He had wanted to become a god, but now he was not even certain why. Had he wanted to make Gaia a better place to live, or had he just wanted the immense power? Maybe it had started as one and ended up as the other. But he was not a god. And he was not human any longer, either. He had become the monster that he had always feared, and he despised himself for all of that. So many lives had been damaged because he had been weak!

He should have been able to resist Jenova's pull, to realize that her whisperings were not his own thoughts. Why had he allowed himself to be so deceived? His mind had become increasingly frenzied during his stay in the Nibelheim library, but he should have had more control of himself! He had been trained in SOLDIER, and had trained himself, to have immense willpower. Had he abandoned all of that?

Whenever he had a part of his mind free again, he would always struggle, trying so desperately to break away entirely from the vise that his madness had over him. But he was always overwhelmed by not only his darker self, but by Jenova as well. She was still there, always wanting to again regain her control over his heart and soul. Even when out of his mind, he had managed to triumph over her power---but his own, so insuppressible, had then managed to drag him down once more. It was Hell. He had suffered with it for so many years now, so many that he had not bothered to count. And he did not know how much longer he could bear it.

Right now he was kneeling on the floor of the cold marble palace that he had taken over as his throne room, clutching at the sides of his head as he shuddered from the pain and agony of all the voices he was hearing. He abhorred those voices. Sometimes he heard Jenova's quiet, falsely sweet tones. Other times it was his own voice being sent back to him, dark and dripping with insanity. It felt sometimes as if it was another person who had taken over his body. But it was not, not really. He heard his own voice because that was him speaking. It was his own thoughts and feelings, deep within the recesses of his mind. And that was a knowledge more shameful and treacherous to bear than if he had been simply possessed.

_What was he thinking? What was this foolishness? He knew that he was in the right, that he was above feeling sorry for his actions, that whatever he unleashed was divine punishment, and just. It was because of that knowledge that he had been betrayed by everyone whom he had thought truly cared about him! Even Zack had turned against him in the end. . . ._

Zack. . . .

He shut his eyes tightly, struggling against the influences that were insistent on pulling him back. No, it was not true. He had betrayed Zack, not the other way around. Zack had been forced to fight him in the mako reactor room, and while Zack had known that he had to win, it had been not only to protect himself and the rest of Nibelheim's people. Zack had known that if his friend knew what he had become in his unrestrainable rage, he would have wanted Zack to end things in the only way possible.

Though later, when Sephiroth had instead been killed by Cloud, it had not ended things. It had not saved him from his madness. It continued even now. It would go on for eternity.

He was losing the battle again. He could not break free from this anguish. He would argue that it was only what he deserved, but as long as he could not rein in his dark side, then other people would suffer, too. He would rather cease to exist entirely then to face this battle every day and every night.

His shoulders slumped. _"Zack . . . I know you'll never hear me, but I can't stand what I've done! I've destroyed so many lives, directly or indirectly---including yours. I nearly brought Armageddon to Gaia. I know I can never be forgiven. . . . I can never forgive myself. I can't even stop myself. . . . I'm sorry. . . ."_

He faded back into the darkness.

* * *

Aerith rarely saw Zack depressed---definitely worried, and concerned, but not depressed or sad. Every now and then, however, he would turn solemn and go off into the woods to brood. This time he did not leave, but instead sat on a rock and stared down into the pool near the home they shared with Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz. And she was determined to learn what was amiss. 

"Zack?"

He looked up with a start as she approached. He never would have heard her, had she not spoken. She had moved soundlessly over the grass. He weakly tried to smile. "Hey. . . ."

She sat down next to him, gently brushing a long and unruly lock of hair away from his face. "Don't 'hey' me," she said softly, her own smile soft and sad. "What's wrong, Zack?"

His smile turned slightly more genuine. "Never could fool you," he said fondly, reaching up for her hand. He held it against his cheek, savoring the softness of her skin. Her presence was such a comfort, but not even she could change his mistakes from the past. What was done, was done. And he hated what was done.

Still holding onto her hand, he stared down at the water again. "I lost my best friend on this day," he said at last. She would know who he meant.

And she did. "Oh Zack. . . ." She brought her free arm around his shoulders, her green eyes shining with concern. She could feel that his heart was breaking again, as it had so many times. He rarely spoke of the man whom he had lost to madness all those years ago, but his pain and grief were obvious in so many ways. Most did not notice, as they either did not know what to look for or else found that Zack was too good at concealing it. But Aerith was aware of it every time.

He could rarely look Kadaj or his brothers in the eyes. When he did, she would always see a flicker of agony go through his own orbs. Their eyes, bright with mako, were too much like Sephiroth's. And their hair, especially Yazoo's, was exactly the same shade. The three of them were a constant reminder of the friend he had lost. Sometimes Aerith wondered if she had done the right thing by having them live with her and Zack, but she had not known what else to do. They had already thought of her as Mother, and when she had discussed things with Zack, he had agreed to let them stay. But of course he would have. He would never have denied them happiness with Aerith because of his own tormented feelings.

He swallowed hard, watching the water ripple slightly. "I . . . I was so confused . . . when Nibelheim caught fire. . . . But then I knew . . . I _knew_ . . . and I didn't know what to do. . . ." His voice shook. "I thought I could still save him, Aerith! I thought I could get through to him. . . . But when I saw him there, in the mako reactor room, I . . . I knew the Sephiroth I remembered was dead." In the smooth surface, he fancied he could see the entire battle being played out again. He was holding his blade by Seph's throat . . . Seph called him a traitor and whirled . . . their swords crashed. He could feel Sephiroth's rage, his hatred and insanity, and his own heartache, his helplessness, and his anger.

She held him closer to her. "Zack, there was nothing you could have done," she said softly.

"That's what I tell myself. . . ." He clenched his fist tightly, while with his other hand he held hers as if it was a lifeline. When he spoke again, his voice was far away.

"Once . . . we were on this mission with another respected SOLDIER. . . . But as things went on, we realized he'd lost it somewhere along the way. He was reckless, he was endangering us and others, needlessly. . . . Finally, it came down to where Seph and I had to fight him to the death, or a lot of innocent people would die." He shook his head slowly. "When Seph got in the killing blow, and he watched this other guy fall down dead, he just stood there looking, emotionless. And I was just frozen in shock. I couldn't think of what to say.

"Then Seph turned around, really abruptly, and stuck his sword in the ground to clean it. And all he said was, 'If that ever happens to me, you'll have to kill me, Zack.'" He shut his eyes tightly.

"I didn't want to ever have to think about it. That would never happen to Seph! He was too smart, too quick. . . . He'd never let it all get to him. I . . . I just wasn't prepared for it, Aerith. . . .

"What if I gave up too fast? What if I still could've saved him, if I'd tried harder?" At Nibelheim, Zack had been forced to recall the words that he had tried to block out in the past. They had haunted him ever since, even moreso because of knowing that Seph was still bound by his madness after death. What if Zack had made the wrong choice?

"I always thought I was optimistic . . . but with Seph, I . . . I gave up hope. . . . Why?"

She bit her lip, sorrowed by his turmoil. He had always blamed himself. Every day since Nibelheim, he had blamed himself. And that had been the one thing of which she had never been able to help him.

"Zack, you tried everything you could," she said softly. "He just wasn't ready or willing to listen." And she pitied Sephiroth. She did not hate him, even after everything he had done in his insanity. More than anything, she wished that Zack could be given back his comrade, his friend. But that seemed an impossibility. In the face of what Sephiroth had become, anyone could lose hope, no matter how optimistic he or she happened to be.

Something cold and wet splashed onto her fingertips. Swallowing hard, she leaned down and laid her head against Zack's trembling shoulder. She did not know that there were any words she could say to give him peace. Logically, he knew that all the "what ifs" would not help anything. But at times like this, he still thought of them anyway. And though he always blamed himself, it would become so much worse at such times.

"I loved him, Aerith," he choked out. "I thought of him like my brother. . . ."

"I know," she said softly. "I know, Zack. . . ."

A gentle breeze picked up, tousling their hair as they continued to sit by the water. And as it remained, it almost seemed to Zack that he heard words being formed on the wind. At first he did not pay attention. It was a phenomena that often happened, he had long ago discovered, and both the words of others in the Lifestream and those still on Gaia were often able to be overheard. But as this vocalization became clearer, he abruptly raised his head, his eyes narrowing in disbelief.

_"Zack . . . I know you'll never hear me, but I can't stand what I've done! I've destroyed so many lives, directly or indirectly---including yours. I nearly brought Armageddon to Gaia. I know I can never be forgiven. . . . I can never forgive myself. I can't even stop myself. . . . I'm sorry. . . ."_

Aerith looked up at him, feeling how he had tensed. "What is it?" she asked.

Not answering at first, he got to his feet, his heart racing. He had not been imagining things. He had heard! He knew he had heard! And suddenly he was overwhelmed, awed, and determined all at once.

"Seph," he exclaimed. "I know it was Seph!" He looked back to her, seeing her surprise as she also stood. "It was the Seph I know!" he said with certainty. "He . . . he's still in there! I can still save him!" He hugged her, the excitement obvious from his gesture and his voice, and his expression. The light was back in his eyes as he told her of what he had heard carried by the breeze. It was the first indication he had ever had that Sephiroth was not entirely lost, and he did not know that he had even fully comprehended it yet. All he knew for certain that his hope was back.

She did not doubt that he had heard something. After all, the man Zack cared about so much surely would still be a part of Sephiroth's soul, no matter what he had done since he had been that person. But they both knew that the kind and good Sephiroth was deeply buried under all the insanity and hatred. It would not be easy to rescue him. And she was certain that Zack was not thinking of any of the details such an undertaking would require. His ecstasy and joy were canceling out all reasoning.

"Zack . . . how?" she said finally. "And where is he? How will you find him?"

Zack shook his head. "I don't know, but I will!" He raised his gaze resolutely, a haunted look flickering through his orbs as he clenched a fist. "When I heard him, I . . . I also _sensed_ him, Aerith. He's in pain right now. He's trying to fight against his hatred and his crazy side, but . . ." He clenched a fist. "That side's winning." And he had to find the other and help him with his battle. This time, he vowed, he would not leave Seph's side until they had their victory. He would not give up on his friend again.

Aerith studied him, unable to conceal her worry. It was going to be dangerous. Since they had left their mortal bodies behind, there would not be any death---but there would still be pain and there would still be torture. It would probably take Zack a long time to locate Sephiroth, and the path would be filled with obstacles and dangers. And once Sephiroth was found, there was not a guarantee that his sane side would be in control at all. If not, he would most likely try to torment Zack in any way possible. She wanted to go with him, to assist him and protect him whenever and however she could, but in her heart she knew that this was Zack's mission alone. He had to find and help Sephiroth by himself. She would be in the way.

He turned back to her, as if he had sensed her feelings. "Hey, I'll be okay," he smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist as he drew her close to him. "You need to stay here with Kadaj and his brothers. You know how restless they get."

She did indeed. And she knew that was another reason why she would have to remain behind. Standing on tiptoe, she placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed his cheek. "Just be careful," she instructed.

He looked into her eyes, his smile softening as he saw the emotions shining in her emerald eyes. He wished he did not have to leave her here, where he knew she would worry. And he could see that she did not like that he was going to leave so suddenly. But what else could he do? He knew he had heard Seph. His friend would never ask for help, not only from pride but because he likely believed that he did not deserve it. And he needed help. Zack had to go, to show Seph that he still cared, that he was still willing to be a friend. And Aerith recognized that, too. She would let him go, in spite of her fears.

He leaned down, kissing her softly on the lips. It was a kiss that said many things, things that he was not certain how to put into words. _Thank you, for understanding why I have to go. I know you're worrying already, and I'm sorry for that. I can't promise nothing bad will happen, but I am gonna make it back! And I'm gonna save Seph._

_I love you, Aerith. . . ._

He pulled back, gently brushing the auburn hair away from her face. Then he turned, hurrying off through the meadow and in the direction from which the wind had blown. It was his only lead. And he would follow it until he had results, no matter how long it took.

Aerith stood watching him, her bangs gently blowing across her face, until he was out of sight.


	2. Crystals of Memories

**Notes: Thanks to all reviewers, who encouraged the story to go on, and especially to Stacey, who assisted with the developments in this chapter, and to Lisa, who suggested how to bypass the technical problems in order to upload this chapter! Sephiroth's line about going sane is based on something said in the excellent Star Wars book _Shatterpoint_, by Matthew Stover.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Even in the Lifestream, there was both day and night, and some locations possessed only one, or neither. Night had long ago fallen on Zack, but he was unsure whether it was the natural darkness or if he had passed into a land where only the velvet, royal blue and purple sky existed. He had heard that there were many strange creatures and dangers in the places of eternal night, and he kept his sword in his hands as he moved forward. 

Somewhere in the far distance, reflected by the light of their moon and stars, he could see something sparkling. He stopped, frowning as he studied it. What was it? It could be any number of things---another pool, a waterfall, or even some kind of crystal. There were many things in the Lifestream that he had not seen, but of which he knew. Aerith had told him of beautiful caves with glowing stalactites and stalagmites. And some of the pools were said to be able to reflect the past and the future. But the future was always changing, she said, so such devices were unreliable.

Well, he would not come to it for several hours, at least. But whatever was there, he felt a strong pull in that direction. Something was there, something important. He doubted that Seph was so close, but maybe . . . maybe it was something that would help him in this quest.

He was still following the direction of the earlier wind, but he had not heard anything more from Seph. Was he still okay? Did he know that Zack was coming for him? The brunet had tried to call to him, to send him a reply, but he did not know if Seph had heard. He hoped that his friend knew he continued to care. Seph had sounded so despondent, so hopeless, when his message had reached the other. He probably believed that Zack hated him for what he had done. And the raven-haired young man could hardly stand to think of it.

"Seph," he whispered, staring ahead to the twinkling spot, "you're still my friend. . . ."

He sighed, raising his sword as he walked ahead.

Spirits, of course, did not need to sleep---but some still did at times, to conserve even more energy and strength. Zack did not, instead pressing on with his journey deep into this unfamiliar valley. How could he waste even a couple hours resting when he now knew that Seph was out there, somewhere, in pain and anguish? He had to get to the silver-haired man, no matter what it took, and he had to be quick about it. Seph's dark side had probably already gotten control again, and if not, it was undoubtedly putting up a tough fight.

As the hours fell away, he could see that the sparkling place was in a very narrow channel in a towering and ominous canyon. It seemed an odd place for something that appeared so delicate. Was there something more to it?

He had paused for a short respite, and was leaning against a tree as he gazed ahead. His arms were crossed over a low-hanging branch, and he smiled wistfully. Aerith would love such a place. Maybe sometime in the future, when all of this was over, he would bring her here. He could see her happily walking over the meadows, guided by the silver moonlight, and exploring the sparkling channel.

Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz would likely not have much interest in it, but they would probably find something they would enjoy. Maybe they had already been here, for all he would know. They enjoyed going all over the locations in the Lifestream. It was a new and great adventure for them. And they were happy, now that they had "Mother."

How would they react, he wondered, when he brought back Seph? How would Aerith? Should he even do it?

He knew that Kadaj was not especially fond of Sephiroth, as the boy was always afraid that "Mother" would love Sephiroth the most. And Aerith . . . it did seem wrong, even cruel, to return with the one who had sent her here, to the Lifestream. But . . . he would not be coming back with that man. He would be bringing his comrade, his fellow SOLDIER, his best friend. Still . . .

Seph was no doubt alone, wherever he had gone. Once he and Zack were able to conquer his madness, Zack did not want him to stay by himself. He was likely very lonely, and there was always the chance of a relapse, especially if he had the company of only his memories. But on the other hand, if he did fall back into insanity, it would not be safe for him to be around Aerith.

Zack would not expect that Seph would live with him and Aerith, of course, but if he could just rescue his friend, he did hope that the silver-haired man would live nearby. Then Zack could go to him often, be there for him, make sure that nothing else horrible happened to him.

He sighed again. He should have thought all of this out, discussed it with Aerith, before leaving. He had acted impulsively, the only thing on his mind being that Seph was still there, that he had not been entirely consumed by his dark side. Poor Aerith. . . . It would only be understandable if she was uneasy and afraid of Seph. He did not want to do anything that would hurt her. What kind of a solution was there that would make everyone happy?

_"Zack? It's alright. We're fine here. Don't worry about us, and especially me. Just think about saving him. I'm anxious to meet the man who's been so special to you."_

He blinked, but then smiled softly. Yeah . . . that was Aerith. If she was afraid, she would never say so. Or maybe she had the confidence that Seph would be able to get such a good grasp on his sanity that he would never fall back into madness. Zack wanted to have that confidence too. If he did not, he would not be able to help Seph.

He pushed himself away from the tree, taking up his sword again. As he set out once more for the canyon, he sent a short reply that he hoped would be carried back to her.

_"You'll meet him, Aerith. I promise! Love ya, as always."  
_

* * *

The sky was still dark when he finally reached the sparkling pass, even though he knew that enough time should have gone by so as to bring the day. The constant night had not bothered him before, but now, somehow, it made him uneasy.

The channel was an innocent-looking place, with reflective crystals all along both sides of a long, twisted path. Instead of the space being open, there was also a roof, from which hung many stalactites of varying size and shape. But as he stood there, gazing inside, he felt a chill run down his spine. Something was wrong.

He could feel a presence there, an unwelcome presence. He remembered it all too well from the mako reactor room. Was Sephiroth in there, waiting in person, or was he watching from afar? Zack could feel eyes upon him as he took the first, cautious step into the narrow cavern. His drawn blade caught the glow of the crystals as he slowly advanced.

Even though he had known he would have to meet and face Seph's hate-filled and angry side again, he dreaded it now that it was upon him. But he narrowed his eyes in determination. Now that he knew that he could still try to reach out to the Seph he had known, that would give him the courage and strength he needed. No matter what Sephiroth said to him, he could not listen, he could not take it to heart.

"Seph?" he called, his voice echoing off the crystal walls. "It's me. . . ."

A dark chuckle reverberated down the glistening corridor, and Zack gripped his sword all the more fiercely.

"It's you?" came Sephiroth's answering, taunting words. "The traitor, the one who always preached in vain of friendship and loyalty. And yet you turned your back on me when I needed you the most!" He spoke in a dangerous tone, dripping with anger and hatred and devoid of humanity. It was the voice that had made Zack's hope run out, during that life and death battle at Nibelheim.

Now the brunet drew a shaking breath. How should he even respond to that, when he feared that he had abandoned confidence in his friend much too soon? If he had given up when he should not have, then it would be as though he had, indeed, turned his back on Seph.

He stepped forward again, trembling. It almost seemed that he could see the scene being played out around him, on all sides of him, within the crystals. He could see himself being seriously wounded, and Cloud stepping forward to take his place. He heard himself tell Cloud, "Finish him off."

"You wanted me dead!" Sephiroth's voice came again, coldly, darkly.

Zack shut his eyes tightly. "No!" he cried, his voice rising. "No, Seph!" His shoulders slumped. "I . . . I thought you were already dead. You destroyed Nibelheim. You killed the townspeople, when they hadn't done anything to you! You . . . you lost your mind, Seph! You went nuts!" He could not let this get to him. He could not become weighed down by his own guilt. He had to be stronger than that.

"No," came Sephiroth's voice again, as it started to fade. The tones sounded so tired now, not anything like the hateful scorn he had possessed a moment earlier. "No, Zack. Something much worse happened. I went sane." A pause. "There isn't anything more dangerous than a man who has gone sane." Then there was complete silence.

Slowly Zack opened his eyes again. Had he gone? No . . . he could still feel the other's presence, but now it was further away. What was he planning to do? Was he in here, somewhere, and would come out without warning to attack? The dark-haired man knew that he would have to be careful.

Again he advanced into the cave. He could still fancy that the crystals were showing scenes from Nibelheim, but now it had changed. He saw himself running to Sephiroth in the reactor room, finding him, and realizing that everything the other said was true. He allied himself with the renegade SOLDIER, and together they took Jenova's body out of the tank and prepared to leave with her.

The scene changed again, before he even had time to feel alarmed and sickened. Now he was looking at a strange city, one that was dark and desolate, with a fiery sky overhead. The buildings were mainly old, and vacated, but there were others that seemed more recent. The people who passed by on the sidewalks mostly seemed frightened of something, or someone, and walked quickly, skittishly, to arrive at their locations. Others were led down the streets by guards, chained hand and foot, and prodded along with electropoles. Obviously, these were slaves. What sort of treacherous, abominable world was this?!

He stepped closer to the crystal, trying to see better. One of those poor souls looked familiar . . . too familiar. The spiky blond hair could be recognized anywhere. "Cloud?!" he gasped, not stopping to realize that he was speaking aloud. Of course Cloud could not hear him, and he shuffled down the road with the others, as if resigned to this life of misery. But . . . if Cloud was there, then . . . then he had to be looking at Gaia, at Midgar!

That was impossible! Where was the blue sky, the canyons? Where was Aerith's church? The Seventh Heaven bar? He could see what looked like the Shinra Company building in the distance. And as soon as he noticed it, it suddenly drew closer until it filled the mirror. It was definitely the same building, but all signs and logos belonging to Shinra had been removed. In their place was what almost looked like a silhouette of a woman, an alien woman. Jenova. . . . The icy feeling in Zack's heart only grew stronger.

Now he could see inside, into what was the president's office. Jenova's body had been placed in another preservation tank that was against the corner of one wall. To the side of it, gazing out the window, were two familiar figures. While both had crossed their arms, one had long, silvery hair and the other spiky, black tresses. It was himself and Sephiroth, both lost to the darkness. But while Seph had gone mad, Zack was with him willingly, despite still possessing his reasoning and sense.

Zack stared at his mirror self, aghast. The other's eyes were cold and hard, just as Seph's were, and he was smirking wickedly as they surveyed what had become of Midgar. What had become of the world, of them?

"This is what you wanted, Seph," the mirror Zack spoke at last.

The mirror Sephiroth nodded slowly, pleased. "For a beginning," he answered. "Before long, all of Gaia will be the same, and you and I will rule over the planet as its gods." His green eyes flashed with a crazed fervor, one that made the real Zack's heart twist and ache anew. "Then we will unleash divine punishment against all of those who have kept us, the last of the Ancients, from our rightful inheritance! Then they will wish that they had never taken it away!"

Zack backed up, shaking his head slowly. No . . . no . . . what a horrible future that would have been! His eyes narrowed. Sephiroth was still there. He was toying with Zack's mind. He was using these crystals to do it! Abruptly he swung his sword, shattering the mirror as he drove the tip of the blade into it. Then he shielded his eyes as the fragments flew in all directions.

"I'm sorry, Seph," he said quietly. "I never could have gone along with you. You never would've even wanted me to, if you'd really known what'd happened to you . . . !" He straightened up, looking around the cave. Again, all was silent and still. None of the other mirrors were displaying anything. Had destroying one broken all of them? That was probably too much to hope for. He should remain cautious.

He walked forward again. This cavern really did seem to go on forever. Now it was turning a bend, and around the corner, the glistening walls could be observed stretching forth as far as he could possibly see. Seph was not anywhere in sight. With all of the power he had gained, it was seeming all the more likely that he was not here at all, but was watching everything from a distance. Zack wished he knew how far away the other might be.

The crystals came to life as soon as Zack began to head down that path. Again they began to show Nibelheim, but even though it was being portrayed as it had happened, something still seemed . . . off. Zack frowned as he walked deeper into the mysterious place. He should just keep his eyes focused ahead of him, and not even look to either side, at those mirrors. They were there to upset him. It was all a trick of the insane Sephiroth, the Sephiroth whom he did not want to meet again.

And yet, he could not help but look over, when he caught a glimpse of himself holding the sword to Sephiroth's throat. The sensation that something was off had only increased, and as he stared at the recreation of the scene, he saw why.

"Now that you've done this," the image of himself was saying, "I have the excuse I need to fight you to the death. Then I'll be rewarded for stopping your reign of terror by being given your position in SOLDIER." He smirked coldly. "That's what I always wanted."

Sephiroth's expression twisted in rage and betrayal. And even in his wild state, it looked as though there was also hurt in those sea green eyes. "_TRAITOR!_" he screamed, and turned to lunge at Zack.

Their battle was furious, and accurate, as far as the swordfighting went. But Zack's cruel expression, his look of sadistic delight, was completely false! Was that truly how Sephiroth remembered things as being? Even though Zack had said none of those horrible words upon discovering him, did Sephiroth believe that Zack had said it silently yet loudly with his sword? The brunet felt sick.

This was far worse than any strange future in which he and Seph took over Gaia together. It was a scene that had happened, warped by his ally's ill mind. Seph did feel betrayed, he believed that Zack had never truly been his friend, and he believed that Zack only wanted power for himself. He believed that Zack had wanted to cheat Sephiroth out of something else that was rightfully his, his position in SOLDIER!

"No," Zack choked out. "No! Seph, it isn't true! Seph, I'd never . . ." He struggled to move, to raise his weapon in order to break this mirror as well, but it was as if he was paralyzed. And suddenly his sword seemed to weigh a ton. He pitched forward, crashing to his knees as the blade plunged into the ground. What was this!? Desperately he tried to pull his hands free, but it was as if they had been pasted to the hilt. He tried to lean on the weapon and pull himself to his feet, but that did not work either. His legs were suddenly made of lead.

Over and over, he heard the voices play all around him, on both sides and above him as well. He was forced to listen to his voice speak of treachery and schemes to convince Sephiroth of his loyalty when in actuality, he only held allegiance to himself. He heard himself laughing wickedly, bragging that Sephiroth had believed him, that Sephiroth had honestly thought that Zack wanted to be his friend.

And the real Zack, bound to his spot on the floor, felt as if the Masamune had pierced his flesh again. It had been driven into the depths of his heart and soul, instead of tearing him apart physically. Its blade had been sharpened by the mirror Zack's words. How could Seph think it of Zack? Had he always been suspicious of the other, believing him to be insincere? If he had, why? Had Zack been a terrible friend? Had he said and done things to make Sephiroth question his devotion?

Yes, he had. He must have! In his outrage and confusion over Sephiroth's actions in Nibelheim, he had not appealed to the Seph he knew. He had only said that the man he was facing was not that Sephiroth. It was as he had feared, he had not tried enough. If he had, could he have gotten through? Could he have still drawn Seph out of that pit of madness and into the light? He would never know now.

"No, Zack . . . it wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself."

What? What was that? Was he hearing the sane Seph talking to him again? Quickly he looked up. No . . . no, it was the mirror! It had changed again. Now it was showing the fight as it had truly happened. Zack was not saying anything unkind or traitorous. His expression was filled with indignation and agony. He looked exactly the way Zack had felt then, and now---as if his heart had been shredded.

But wait . . . there was still a difference. For one moment, as their blades had crashed, Seph's eyes had cleared of the madness. Now they were filled with a deep sorrow and regret.

"It was my fault, Zack. It was my fault. And I know I can never make up for this . . . but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I would take it all back, if I only could." A sad, wistful smirk. "Even a god can't turn back time."

The images all faded.

With renewed strength, Zack pushed himself to his feet. He was not paralyzed! It was a trick of his mind! All of this was a trick. The mirrors revealed his worst fears. He had allowed himself to be manipulated. And only this last scene had been able to pull him back to reality.

As soon as he came to these conclusions, all of the crystals began to crack and break, the cavern trembling. It might even collapse. He had to get out of there! He had to get out now! Up ahead he could see an opening, leading out into the world of night that he had left. He ran towards it now, hearing the mirrors shatter behind him as shards soared every which way. One scratched his arm, and another his cheek, but he barely paid attention.

He did not stop his flight even after gaining the opening and rushing into the meadow. He still ran, and ran, until at last the adrenaline rush gave out and he collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath. Then he sank down into the grass, on his back, staring up at the darkened sky as he slowly calmed down.

Sephiroth had definitely been there all the time, in some way. He had been responsible for all of the ugly scenarios Zack had witnessed. He had wanted the other to become despairing, so he had encouraged the warped images, bringing forth Zack's anxieties as well as Sephiroth's own distorted views of the Nibelheim events. But . . . for him to believe that it would truly affect Zack, that seemed to say that somewhere even in his warped mind, he really knew that the brunet had not betrayed him.

And that last manipulation of the mako reactor battle . . . it had been different from the rest. It had felt as if a friendly hand had done it to bring him out of his anguish. The words the mirror Seph had spoken then were sincere. And Zack knew the answer with complete surety. Seph had gotten control of himself again, long enough to help his old friend. He had twisted that scene, but he had done it with positive intentions---instead of negatively, as his dark self had done previously.

Zack smirked weakly. "How about that, Seph . . . I'm trying to help you. . . . But you're the one who saved me, this time." He continued to gaze up at the blinking stars. "Thanks. I owe you everything."

And he had the feeling that this time, Seph had definitely received his words.


	3. Battle of Anguish

**Notes: Thanks to Lisa for her immense plot help and suggestions, and thanks to her and all the other reviewers for their continuing encouragement about this story! Also, the modified Safer design is my own idea. So many wings!  
**

* * *

** Chapter Three**

Aerith sighed softly as she stood at the living room window, gazing out at the sunrise. It was beautiful, and much more vibrant than anything witnessed on the mortal plane, with striking hues of pink, lavender, blue, and orange all mixing together on the horizon. Zack had often watched the scenes with her, his strong arms around her waist as he stood with her either in this room or on the porch. It was something they both enjoyed. But today she was observing it alone. Maybe, she thought, Zack was watching it too, wherever he was.

She could not deny that she was worried about him. The Sephiroth who was largely in control was the man who had tried to cripple Gaia in order to take its energy for himself, the Sephiroth who had wanted to become a god. Of course, he had not succeeded, but his power was still immense. And it had probably increased since she and the others had last fought him.

That Sephiroth hated Zack. He believed with all his heart that Zack had betrayed him, and he would likely do whatever he could to bring down her beloved. Even though she fully believed Zack could guide his friend back to sanity, what might happen along the way?

Dealing with that insane side of Sephiroth was going to hurt Zack---certainly mentally if not physically, but probably both. She wished that she could be there for him---she wished it so much! And yet she also knew that it was for the best that Zack face him alone, as they had silently decided before his departure. And so she would stay here, waiting for him to return, praying that it would be soon and that he would be kept safe.

"Where's Father?"

She turned quickly at the voice. Kadaj was standing there in the doorway, his green eyes displaying his impatience and confusion.

"He's been gone all night," the boy continued, walking over to her. "Is he upset?"

She put on a smile. There was no need to worry Kadaj. "He'll be back," she reassured him. "He had to go away, to see an old friend."

Kadaj frowned. "He didn't even tell us goodbye," he objected. "And he's never gone away before, without telling us."

"Well," Aerith said lightly, "this was a special case."

The silver-haired boy stopped, looking at her, the fear shining in his bright eyes. "I can sense _him_," he whispered urgently.

"Him?" Aerith repeated. It was obvious, of course, who he meant. But she would let him tell her.

Kadaj nodded emphatically. "Sephiroth . . . he's watching us," he said in hushed tones. "He's always lurking around, but now he's even closer." He looked at her worriedly. "If he comes . . . you won't love him best, will you, Mother?"

She looked back at him, her eyes and smile filled with compassion for this misguided boy. "Of course not," she said firmly, yet kindly. "I don't love you, or Yazoo, or Loz, the best above the others. I love all of you the same."

Neither she or Zack had ever mentioned the fact that Sephiroth had been Zack's close friend. It had never come up, and it had seemed better to leave the matter alone. Yet now the brothers were going to have to know, and she was going to have to tell them herself. She knew that Zack would be bringing Sephiroth home, and it would not do for the boys to suddenly learn the truth at that point. That would be unfair and cruel.

Someday, when they were able to understand, she would also have to tell them that she was not really their mother. Jenova technically _was_ their biological mother, or as close to it as she could be, but even if she had been able to attempt raising them, she would never have truly cared about them. Aerith did, on the other hand. In that way, she supposed, she truly had become their mother.

She looked back to Kadaj, who had brightened considerably at her words. "Where are Yazoo and Loz?" she asked.

Kadaj shrugged. "Yazoo's sitting out by the trees," he replied, "and Loz is around here somewhere, probably looking for someone to play with."

Loz's ideas of "play" were somewhat different from the average person's. He loved fighting. It was all a game to him. Usually Zack would indulge him, but since he was not here, Loz may have gone looking for some of their neighbors---anyone who would be willing to spar with him for a while. If Yazoo was having his "alone time" under the trees, he had probably refused.

Aerith nodded. By now she was quite familiar with the boys' usual habits. "Let's go find them," she encouraged. "There's something I need to tell all of you about where Zack's gone." And she hoped with all her heart that they would be able to understand at least somewhat. Knowing Kadaj, he might not comprehend at all.

As it was, he frowned now, looking uneasy again. "Why can't you tell me now, Mother?" he asked. "You said Father went to see a friend. Who is it?"

Aerith just smiled, heading for the door. "We'll find the others, and then I'll tell you," she reiterated. "It would be better to tell all of you at the same time."

Kadaj had no choice but to simply follow after her uneasily. He was not going to like what she would say. And Sephiroth was so close, so _close. . . ._ He hated that feeling so much! Sephiroth was always observing, always waiting for the perfect time to come. And what would happen when he did? Surely then Mother would pay more attention to him, as she had always done. He did not want Sephiroth to come back. He did not want it at all! And he knew Yazoo and Loz would feel the same. They were much happier without him there.

* * *

Zack sighed softly to himself, leaning on the hilt of his sword. Far away from Aerith, he had indeed managed to cross through the rest of the Endless Night plain, and now he was witnessing the same beautiful sunrise from the edge of a precipice. It seemed lonely, to be by himself to view it and not with Aerith. And on the other hand, he imagined that she was watching it back home and thinking of him. So, maybe they were kind of seeing it together.

He smirked a bit. Seph had used to say that he, Zack, was downright sentimental sometimes. That was true, he supposed. It was probably at least partially his mother's influence, and maybe a little bit of Aerith's. But he did not mind. A little sentimentality was not a bad thing.

"Watching the sunrise again?"

His heart leaped into his throat. No . . . no . . . it couldn't be. That voice, calm and gentle, with a hint of amusement behind the serious tones. . . . He had not heard it for years. And . . . how could he be hearing it now? Was it another trick? Or had he reached the correct location and the real Seph was now here? Maybe the Seph he knew was in control.

He whirled around. Seph was standing there, observing him, his arms crossed as his chin-length bangs hung into his face. He was perfectly sane and relaxed. This was the Sephiroth who was an honorable SOLDIER, the Sephiroth who was not weighed down by Jenova's whisperings becoming so strong that he was losing his mind.

It was the Sephiroth of the past.

Zack swallowed hard, taking several cautious steps forward. His mind was still torn in doubt. This . . . could this be . . . ? "Seph?" he whispered, his voice choked with emotions---the hope of seeing his dear friend, the disbelief at him being here . . . the dread that this was not real.

The other studied him, his green eyes passive. "What's the matter, Zack?" he smirked. "Have you finally been rendered speechless? I never thought I'd see the day."

Zack kept a hold on his sword as he stopped in front of the other. Something did not feel right about this. As much as he wanted it to be reality, as hard as he was longing for it, and as much as his heart was twisting at the realization, he knew what the truth was as soon as he thought of it. Slowly he shook his head.

"You . . . you're not real," he declared, trying to speak firmly and evenly.

"Not real?" Seph looked at him lazily. "I'm as real as you are. Or, perhaps you're a figment of the imagination too. Maybe we're both part of a dream."

Zack narrowed his eyes, tightly clutching the sword. No . . . he could not allow himself to be deceived now. The real Sephiroth was elsewhere. Maybe he had set this whole thing up, like with the mirrors.

"No?" Seph smirked suddenly. "You're right, Zack---I'm only a memory. I don't exist any longer." Abruptly his one wing was unfurled, tearing through the cloth of his coat, and he used it to raise himself into the sky. He looked down at Zack, his expression having shifted to that of an insane man, his bangs having suddenly lengthened to his chest.

Zack gazed up at him, watching several small, stray feathers coming loose and descending to the earth. It was not true! The Seph he knew did still exist! Zack was here in the first place because of Seph calling to him. And he was not going to let himself be completely rattled by an illusion. Or by a dream, a nightmare.

"I don't need you here," he said firmly. "I'm going to find the real Seph and help him get back in control of himself."

Sephiroth chuckled darkly. "You'll never succeed. He's lost to the darkness. And, though the Sephiroth you were speaking to was a memory, I'm not. I am the true Sephiroth. And now you will fight me."

Before Zack's very eyes, Sephiroth's body began to shift and change. His clothes were suddenly gone, and his legs began to morph together into some . . . odd, indescribable _thing_. His wing vanished as well, as did the hair streaming down his back as it began to turn upward and take the shape of another head. Within a matter of moments, his form was a confused, unidentifiable, winged mass. The only possible indication that it was still Sephiroth was his smirking face, as part of the first head, and the long bangs, which had taken on an almost antennnae appearance. Otherwise, it did not look human at all. It did not look like an animal, either. It just looked . . . bizarre.

Zack took a step backwards, his heart racing as bile rose in his throat. The . . . the creature was repulsive, it was horrific. And yet, it was not a creature---it was still Seph, somewhere in there. And that was the most alarming and terrible thing of all. Maybe it would not be quite so sickening if he had not actually _seen_ Seph's body change, but had instead only encountered this monster along the way. But because of what he had witnessed, he knew for a surety that this was Seph.

Could . . . could this be an illusion too? Maybe Bizarro Sephiroth was not really there. Maybe Zack would find that he had fallen asleep watching the sunrise and that he was having a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare . . . ! He could not fight this . . . he could _ not_, knowing that it was still Seph in there! He would hurt Seph, he would . . . he would have to _kill_ Seph . . . !

He knew that they should not be able to die again, since they were in the Lifestream, but . . . but what _would_ happen? He did not want to find out; oh God, he did not want to find out!

The attack hit him without warning, sending him flying back dangerously close to the cliff's edge. He cried out in pain as he hit the ground, but only some of his agony was physical. He was being coldly harmed once again by the one who had been his friend. He had never wanted to experience this again. One time, in Nibelheim, was more than enough. Back then, Seph's mind had been warped. This time, his body had been distorted to match it.

Another blast came, striking Zack hard in the chest. Now Bizarro was hovering over him, the expression on Seph's face expectant. Was Zack going to get up and fight back? Or would he allow himself to be defeated?

For a long moment he lay there, on his back, gasping and gripping the sword. He . . . he would have to get up. He would have to fight. If he refused this battle, if he allowed Bizarro to trounce him, maybe he would never be able to proceed further. Maybe he would never be able to get through to Seph.

He shut his eyes tightly, feeling for the first time the tears that were pricking them. Seph was probably somewhere else. He was probably only channeling the image of this form. The true Seph could not change his physical appearance like that . . . could he? Zack did not think he could. But Jenova's cells in his body, coupled with his immense willpower, had often allowed him to manipulate what the mind saw, after he had lost his own mind and wanted to do those kinds of things.

But . . . those attacks had felt so _real. . . ._ They were definitely not controlled images.

He opened his eyes again. Bizarro was beginning another attack. Narrowing his eyes, Zack leaped up, clutching his sword and lunging forward. He was going to have to push all personal doubts aside. He _had_ to defeat Bizarro.

He remembered how to vanquish that form from watching Cloud in the past. Each one of the parts---the two heads, the arms, and the core---had to be attacked. And everything else had to be destroyed before attacking the core. He would have to hurry with piercing the core, as well, when the time came---especially since it could regenerate the other pieces. He could not have second thoughts. This was probably being done deliberately to distress him. Seph would not be hurt by these attacks. . . . Zack had to believe that, or he would not be able to stand it.

The raven-haired man slashed viciously, cutting into the left arm but not being able to severe it. Bizarro retaliated instantly before the sword could go all the way through, and Zack had to move fast in order to not be hit. He dove onto a nearby rock, then abruptly charged again.

It would not work to assault each part individually. That would take too long, and the core would rebuild the pieces before all of them could be eliminated. He would have to use attacks meant for multiple targets.

There was not a whole lot of materia in the Lifestream, but still, Zack had managed to find some of the basic kinds. He had brought a few of them with him on this mission, just in case, even though he much preferred to rely on his sword. Now he used a Comet spell.

The force of it threw both him and Bizarro back, but while Bizarro remained in the sky, Zack hit the trunk of a dead tree. "Ow," he moaned. Stars exploded in front of his vision as he tried to get his footing.

When he dared to and was able to look up again, he saw that both the left arm and the second head had been destroyed. But it only seemed to faze the creature for a moment. Without warning, it delivered a harsh blast that sent Zack flying back once more---this time against a rough, rocky wall.

He gasped in pain, sliding down to the ground in a crumpled heap. He had to force himself to get back up, somehow. . . . But how would he? It felt like nearly every bit of his energy had been drained. Now he needed that Restore materia in his bag, very badly. But Bizarro would not wait for him to use it. Already it was coming in for a second assault.

Shakily he reached down into the bag, grasping the first materia he came to. Was that the right one, or another elemental spell? As he pulled it out, his eyes widened. It was neither. It was the Time materia. He frowned slightly. It was not one of which he was especially fond. To him, he felt that it gave him a more unfair advantage than some of the others did. But right now, it might be his only hope. He cast Stop. Instantly, in mid-attack, Bizarro froze in place.

Now he worked quickly, getting out the Restore materia and casting a Cure spell on himself. Bizarro's attack had been much too damaging for one Cure to heal him enough. But it was going to have to do. Stop would not last long. And he could see the green eyes watching him accusingly, furiously. Stop froze one's physical body, but not their consciousness. Bizarro was very much aware of what was going on around it . . . him . . . whatever it was!

Zack got to his feet, gripping his sword tightly. Right now, he could simply use it to cut off the other parts, instead of casting another spell. But could he do it at all? How could he possibly . . . how could he ever . . . no, he had to! _He had to . . ._

He lunged again, swiping with the sword. "Seph . . . please forgive me," he whispered. He could feel something leaking from his eyes as he quickly severed the rest of the pieces and impaled the core. Then he fell back, crashing to his knees as the remainder of Bizarro hit the ground and began to dissolve.

He was not sure how long he knelt there, his eyes shut tightly, his shoulders quaking. Had he hurt the real Seph? Had he . . . could he have _killed_ the other? When would he know, if ever? Maybe Seph would not come to him again . . . maybe he would not hear Seph speaking to him any more. Maybe this was it. No . . . no, it could not be! Seph was alive, he was physically fine . . . Zack would still be able to find him and help him. . . .

But he still found himself whispering, even though he was alone, even though Bizarro could not hear him. "Seph . . . I'm sorry . . . !" he choked out. "I . . . I didn't want to do it! I didn't . . ."

He trailed off, swallowing hard as he leaned against the hilt of the sword. He was speaking of more than this current incident. He was also speaking of the fight in the mako reactor room, another fight he had never wanted to have, the first time he had been forced to go against Seph. He had tried to hold back his emotions on the subject, but the experience in the cave being immediately succeeded by the fight against Bizarro clinched it. Now he was completely breaking down.

He had nearly killed Seph in the mako reactor room. He had tried to, having decided that there was not any way to get through to him any more. And now, now maybe he actually _had_ killed him, even though he had wanted desperately to still save him. . . . No, Seph would not go down so easily! He would not! The insane Sephiroth probably wanted this reaction from Zack. He had to pull himself together and go on.

The sound of someone walking over the nearby grass made him look up sharply. Bare feet, bare legs, white wings. . . . What . . . what was this now? He raised his gaze fully, his perplexity changing to a grim understanding.

Sephiroth was walking toward him. He . . . he looked human now, and not injured at all from the battle against Bizarro. He was alright! That was the first and most important thing Zack noticed.

His body was bare, save for the wings. So many wings. . . . His black wing was unfurled from his right shoulder, looking majestic against the background of the bright orange sky. From each side of his waist, three white wings had sprouted. Four of them hung to the green blades, while the other two were crossed over his loins. It was his Safer form, only different. This time, the wings were not taking the place of his right arm and his legs.

Zack pushed himself up, watching the other uncertainly, yet joyously. He was alive, he was still alive! Zack wanted to run forward, to hug Seph in relief, but from Seph's expression he did not want that. And so Zack swallowed hard, gripping the hilt of the sword. Seph was still hostile. His insane side was still in control.

Was this Seph even here? Maybe this was another illusion. But in any case, Zack could not bear the hateful feelings he was sensing. Such abhorrence had never been something he could easily accept or stand to feel from Seph, especially when it was directed at him.

"I . . . I thought I'd killed you, Seph," he said softly.

Seph stopped in front of him, his expression darkening. "You would have liked that, wouldn't you?" he replied, his voice cold and merciless. He was stabbing Zack again, with an unseen sword.

"No," Zack cried instantly. "No! It's not what I want at all, Seph! I . . ." He trailed off, his heart racing. Seph's expression had softened considerably. Now . . . now he looked incredibly sad. The invisible Masamune slid deeper into Zack's heart.

"You can't save me, Zack," the silver-haired man said quietly. "I've fallen too far. What I've been doing is unforgivable."

Zack's resolve hardened instantly. It was such a horrible burden for his friend to carry. Not only did he have to cope with the knowledge of the heinous acts he had been committing, but he could not stop himself. It was tragic, that his madness had such a tight grip on him. He had been such a sane man in the past, able to exercise immense self-control even when Zack's had snapped. But now Seph _would_ be stopped---and helped. Zack would make sure of it. He was not going to abandon the other. He would never abandon Seph, now that he knew there was still a chance!

"That's not true!" he declared now, with urgency. "You're still here, Seph, and that means there's hope! We're going to get your sanity back. You're going to be okay again. I promise!" Desperately he looked into the darkening, hopeless green eyes. "I'm not giving up on you!" He would see to it that the light came back into those eyes. He would save Seph, no matter what happened in the process. And then they would go back together.

Seph chuckled, the sound echoing eerily off the rocky walls. "You're not giving up?" he mocked. "Are you saying I'm worth saving? Am I not a monster to you, Zack? Look at me!" He thrust his arms out proudly in emphasis. "I have seven wings. Didn't you say once that humans with wings are monsters?"

The brunet took a step back. Yes, he had said that. He did not like to be reminded of it, but it was true. For a long time, he had loved the wings. They had reminded him of angels. But then he had started witnessing things, horrible things, being done by the people who possessed wings. And he had started to feel different---that the wings were, as had been said, proof that those who bore them were monsters.

Now Sephiroth took to the sky, his many wings moving just enough to keep him hovering near Zack. He smirked more. "Let me show you," he said calmly, "just how much of a monster I am."


	4. Modified Safer

**Notes: Many thanks to Lisa and Kazaam for all the help with this chapter! And the ideas of insane Sephiroth's view on Zack and Cloud, and Aerith meaning business, are also Lisa's. Also, I needed to think of a plausible reason why the characters can't do anything during the long time it takes Seph to cast Supernova, so I decided they could be temporarily paralyzed.  
**

* * *

** Chapter Four**

Aerith looked around at the trio now gathered in the living room. Kadaj was impatient, as always. His arms were crossed and he was shifting his weight, looking as though he wanted to begin pacing the room. Yazoo was standing straight, his arms at his hips, looking bored. And Loz just looked confused. He could see that Kadaj was distraught about something, and he wondered what on earth it was.

They were such an fascinating and unique group of siblings, so very different in personality. Each one of them represented a certain part of Sephiroth's soul, but they all had their own traits. Kadaj could be so childish, when he felt like it. By contrast, Yazoo was vague and serious. And Loz fit somewhere in between. Aerith loved them all.

"Alright," Aerith said, leaning back with a small smile. "Now, I told Kadaj, when he asked, that your father had to go away to see a friend. This friend is someone who has needed help for a while, and your father is determined to be the one to get through to him. Then he'll be bringing his friend back here."

Kadaj frowned. "To live?!" he cried.

"I think so," Aerith nodded. Zack had not actually asked Aerith about that, figuring that it was something that should not or could not take place. He had not even wanted to mention it, considering what Sephiroth had done. But Aerith had been doing a good deal of thinking, and she had come to the decision that it would be best for Sephiroth to stay there. He would not have to be alone then. Zack could better help him to stay sane that way. And the boys should get adjusted to him, since he was Zack's friend. Kadaj needed to see that he was not in danger of being displaced. But of course, she would not simply decide such a thing without discussing it with them first.

"If he's such a special friend, why didn't Father go help him before?" Yazoo asked suddenly, his tone unmoved, his expression deadpan.

Aerith smiled in a melancholy way. "Because for years he's seemed beyond help," she said. "Your father has tried before."

"Why won't you tell us who it is, Mother?" Kadaj exclaimed, his distress obvious.

Aerith sighed. Here was the difficult part. It was hard to say how Yazoo and Loz would react, but Kadaj's reaction was almost a sure thing. "Zack knew him for years in the SOLDIER organization," she said. "He was the most renowned general in the army, leading Midgar to victory against the Wutai rebellion."

Kadaj's pupils were contracting to catlike slits. "No!" he burst out. "No, Mother, you can't really mean it's . . ."

Aerith nodded. "It's Sephiroth," she said.

Kadaj uncrossed his arms, stamping his foot in a childish way. "Sephiroth is not going to come here to live!" he cried. "I knew it, I knew he's been watching! You love him the best, Mother!" He turned, facing the door. "I'm not going to let him stay here!"

Aerith frowned, placing her hands on her hips. "It isn't a decision you can make all by yourself, Kadaj," she scolded. "I called all of you here so we could discuss it . . . calmly."

Yazoo looked to Kadaj, still showing indifference. And he truly was blasé. Kadaj, Sephiroth. . . . It did not matter much to him, since he and Loz had always been more expendable anyway. Though of course he cared about Kadaj, he also felt that there was not a reason for him to become so incensed. "You'd better do what she says, Kadaj," he said. "When she puts her hands like that, she's serious about it."

Kadaj stopped by the door, his fists clenched, not turning around. "There's nothing to talk about," he grumbled.

"Sephiroth has been alone for years," Aerith said. "He's been lost in the fog over his mind, pushing away everyone who cares about him. But your father found out that there's still a chance to save him and bring him back." She looked hard at Kadaj. "If it was one of your brothers, Kadaj, wouldn't you do everything you could for him, no matter what he'd done?" She crossed her arms.

Kadaj glared at the floor. "That's different," he said. Yazoo and Loz were not Sephiroth. They had not tried to take away Mother's attention and love for Kadaj. And he had been with them all his life. Sephiroth he had never met; Sephiroth was just an ominous presence constantly lurking in the back of his mind.

"Sephiroth is like a brother to your father," Aerith told him. "Can't you give him a chance, just for a little bit?"

Loz, who had been silent all this time, finally spoke. "Doesn't he deserve that much? I mean, we were all taken in, and we did some pretty bad things too, Kadaj."

Kadaj whirled back around. "It's not about what he's done!" he cried. "It's about Mother's love! Mother always loved Sephiroth best!"

Loz shifted uncomfortably. He did not like being at the center of attention in a discussion such as this, but Yazoo did not seem to intend to say anything more. And what Loz was thinking of needed to be said.

"Yeah . . . but you know . . . this isn't the Mother we were looking for all that time," he said. "She isn't the one who loved Sephiroth best. She's someone else, someone who really wanted us to come here and to be Mother for us."

"I know that!" Kadaj exclaimed. "But this Mother will still love Sephiroth best! Sephiroth is always the most important one!"

"I love Sephiroth because he's your father's friend," Aerith interrupted. "And I love the three of you because I'm raising you like my children. It's different kinds of love." She smiled again. "I will never love Sephiroth more than any of you."

Kadaj looked away. He wanted to believe that, and he knew Aerith would not lie to him. But it was something that had been so deeply ingrained within his soul after all the years of knowing he was playing second fiddle to Sephiroth. Mother had always wanted him for her plans. Kadaj had just been a replacement, a puppet, a means to the end of getting Sephiroth. Then he had been discarded.

"If Sephiroth comes here, don't expect me to be nice," he muttered.

Aerith sighed to herself. Well . . . it was a start, at least.

* * *

Zack swallowed hard, gripping his sword in his gloved hands. Seph was still aloft nearby, gazing down at him. He wanted to fight, but Zack did not know how he would stand it again. He had just come through the battle with Bizarro. Now he saw that Seph was okay from that, but what about what would happen during this fight? If this was the real Seph, then Zack really would hurt him. But . . . Seph did not have a way to take on the Safer form, did he? How could he? He had that one wing that the scientists had grafted in, but wasn't that all? Wouldn't Seph have told him if there were others? Maybe this was another illusion.

Somehow he found his voice. "Seph . . . how?" he choked out, staring up at him. "How do you have all those wings?"

"Does it matter to you?" Sephiroth looked down at him, his voice and eyes stony.

"Of course it matters, Seph!" Zack cried. "Anything to do with you has always mattered to me!"

"How touching." Sephiroth rose higher into the sky. "Then you should enjoy my Pale Horse assault."

Zack gritted his teeth. If he could only talk some sense into his friend, to get the sane side to come out and take control . . . !

"Seph, I don't want to fight you," he pleaded. "Come on, didn't we do that enough at Nibelheim? I'm just finally seeing you again. I don't want to hurt you!"

Sephiroth looked at him without mercy. "Then do nothing, and suffer the consequences!" he answered. Panic flickered in his eyes, but then it was gone, replaced again by the unkind anticipation. He raised his hands, a whitish light forming between them. Before Zack could do anything, the glow was rushing at him, taking on the vague shape of a horse.

There was no time to grab a materia. Zack jumped out of the way, flinging himself onto the grass. But the horse turned with him, slamming into him in the next moment. A gasp of pain tore from his lips.

A mighty flap of wings came from somewhere overhead. "This meeting is for combat," Sephiroth informed him. "If you were hoping for a warm and welcoming reunion, it won't happen."

Zack groaned, shakily starting to force himself to his knees. He had seen the panic in the other's eyes. If he could appeal to that emotion, maybe he could get Seph to fight harder with himself instead of with Zack.

"I saw that look in your eyes before you attacked me," he said, looking up at the multi-winged man hovering over him. "You don't want to hurt me, either, Seph. You've gotta come back to yourself!"

Another flicker of something more human. "Zack . . . I can't . . ." He trailed off, a golden glow enveloping his body. His eyes took on a wild look, a wicked smirk taking the place of the desperation. Another blast, this one unnamed, shot forth from his hands.

Zack was struck before he had the chance to dodge again or to defend himself. With a cry of pain he tumbled backwards, slamming into a jagged rock. He groaned, shaking the stars from his mind as he tried to come back to the present. That had not been fun. And there was always more where that had come from.

"Zack. . . ."

The voice was filled with immense concern and even anguish. He looked up, gazing at the man hovering in front of him. The eyes flickered, sanity reigning for a brief moment.

"Are you alright?! I . . . I didn't want to hurt you. . . ."

Zack grinned, his own expression softening. "Yeah . . . yeah, I'm okay," he said, placing a hand behind him on the rock as he pushed himself upright. "Seph, you've gotta fight yourself!" he cried, sobering now. "You can't let this insanity keep ruling you! I'm going to help you pull through this, but you've gotta keep trying, too!"

"'Keep trying'?" Seph repeated, his voice filled with a heaviness and sadness that Zack could not even comprehend. It was so different, both from the Seph he remembered and from the Sephiroth who had gone mad at Nibelheim. He sounded as if his very existence was a chore, as if he was so weary of it all and just wanted it to end, even if he would have to cease existing in order for that to come to pass. He had once said that his pride kept him alive. Now he was so disheartened. Had even his pride been spent?

"Zack . . . don't you know . . . I've tried so hard, ever since this began eight years ago. I can't make it stop. This darkness, these crazed feelings . . . they're part of me, or they could have never taken root so deeply. I'm a wicked person now, no longer the man celebrated as a hero. Do you think I like the person I've become?"

Zack swallowed hard, gazing up at him. Seph hated himself. And he did not know how to ever defeat his own dark feelings. He was trapped, he was lost. It made Zack's heart ache. "Seph . . ."

"Of course I like it." Seph's voice had changed now. It was icy and tinged with madness. "I wanted power, Zack. You remember when I told you that I wondered what it took to become a god? I've found out the answer. I've gathered so much knowledge, beyond your wildest imagination. You said that being a god was more about knowing how to help the people who worship me. I don't need worship. The only thing I care about is the power."

Zack's hands wrapped around the hilt of the sword once again. "But you know, Seph," he said, his voice sad, "how has it really done anything for you? I remember something else you said once---that if there was nothing after this life, all the knowledge, and all the bonds made with others, would be taken away. Well . . . now we've found out there is an afterlife. You've kept your knowledge, but you've pushed away everyone who tried to help you, everyone who wanted to be there for you!"

"I pushed them away?" Sephiroth repeated in indignation. "I don't think so, Zack. We've been through this. You betrayed me. If you had stayed with me, don't you think I would have let you share the power? Don't you think I would have wanted you there? _Do you think I wanted to be alone?_"

"No!" Zack returned. "I know you didn't. I know you still don't. And you know I never could have gone along with you at Nibelheim!"

"I sacrificed everything I had to get where I am today. But you weren't willing to do the same. You abandoned me for Cloud." His eyes narrowed further. "He was your favorite friend."

Zack stared at him, aghast. What? Could . . . could Seph really believe such a thing? It was likely true that his mad feelings had started from things he actually thought and felt throughout his life---that he was different, that he believed his mother was Jenova, that he wondered how to become a god. . . . Would he ever think Zack would play favorites, even if it was just an unspoken thought always kept in the back of his mind?

"That's not true!" he cried. "I never cared about him more than you, or you more than him! I care about all my friends the same!"

A cold laugh. "But it was only Cloud who had your friendship in the end. You turned against me." He cupped his hands, a reddish-orange light beginning to form between them. "I've had enough of this."

Zack could only barely manage to pull out the Comet materia as the new blast was released. The spells collided in midair. For a split second there was complete silence. Then the _boom_ was deafening, the shock waves spreading out and out until Zack was flying again. A yelp tore from his lips as he crashed in a heap on the ground.

Sephiroth was upon him again in an instant. Now his fury was being fully unleashed. Another beam left his hands, and a third, in rapid succession. Zack screamed, gripping at the grass with all the strength he could muster. Seph wasn't stopping. The anguish just kept pounding and pulsating into his body, again and again. Seph was leaning further down, placing his hands on Zack's convulsing back, channeling another blast into him at close range. The lavender eyes widened, then tightly shut. The cries were all spent. His throat was burning.

Somehow, Aerith knew he was in pain right then.

_"It's alright, Zack! Don't give up. Never give up!"_

It took a moment to realize that the pain had ceased. . . . What? How? Had Aerith done it? No . . . she had given him encouragement, but she was not responsible for the stopped assault.

Shakily he raised up, looking over his shoulder. Seph had retreated several yards away. He was kneeling on the grass, shaking, his wings limp and his hair hanging around him. One hand was held to his forehead, the other balancing himself. He did not seem to notice that Zack was watching him.

The brunet looked back to the ground in front of him, pushing on his hands to make himself rise. He slid his knees under him, trembling as he knelt among the green blades. Seph had done a number on him. But he was okay. It was Seph he was worried about.

Reaching for his sword, he stabbed the tip into the ground and used it to lean on as he dragged himself to his feet. It might have to be his walking stick for a few minutes. He turned in the direction where Seph was, placing one foot forward, then the other in front of it. He could make it over there. He would, because he had to. He had to save Seph.

Green eyes looked up abruptly as he approached. Anger flamed within them for a brief moment, but it was swiftly replaced by a keen and agonized panic. "Stay away from me!" Seph ordered. "You'll only be hurt again!" And he could not stand it. Zack's cries of anguish had pierced his soul to the very core. He had been hurting his only friend, one who somehow still believed in him even after all these years, after all the horrors and pain he had inflicted on others.

And it was all he could do to keep the attacks from being a lot worse. His insane side wanted to use Supernova. He was charging up for it. But that could not be done to Zack! That could injure him seriously, much more so than the more minor attacks he had been using.

Zack shook his head, continuing to advance until he was standing in front of Seph. "I'm not going to run away just because you blasted me a few times," he said, his voice firm as he looked into the stunned green eyes. "I'm staying right here to help you!" He began to extend a hand, his thoughts racing. Would Seph take it? Would he let Zack help him up? Or would he slap it away? Would he even take it and then channel another beam into it? He would take the chance.

Sephiroth could only stare at the proffered appendage, slowly lowering his own hand from his forehead, but not reaching out in turn. "I . . . I could have killed you at Nibelheim," he said, his voice twisting with emotion. "If . . . if it wasn't for what happened then, you wouldn't have been experimented on, and you wouldn't have died five years later. . . . You'd still be alive. . . ."

Zack's eyes filled with kindness. "Hey . . . there's no telling what would have happened, Seph," he said quietly. "Maybe I still would've died. And maybe I could have saved you back at Nibelheim. But there's no way of knowing that. All I know is that I'm going to save you now, even if you don't think it can ever happen!" He kept holding out his hand. He would not force Seph to grab on. It was a decision Seph would have to make for himself. But Zack wanted him to choose to take it. He wanted that so much!

Sephiroth was still looking at the hand. Then his gaze raised to Zack's determined orbs. There was only compassion there, and unconditional love. It was incredible, and impossible, but it was true.

"Why?" he whispered. "How . . . how can you still extend your hand to me?"

Zack gave a wan smile. "Why?" he repeated. "How? Because . . . because under all that crazy stuff, you're still my best friend. That's never gonna change, Seph."

Slowly Seph began to reach for Zack's hand, still hesitating. Without warning his eyes flickered in a dangerous way. His hand struck Zack's, forcing it away.

"Stop," he growled, the harsh tones returning to his voice. "This is inane. Even if you do still care about me, I don't care about you. I've advanced beyond the need of human companionship. A god needs only himself and his knowledge." He rose, the wounded look in Zack's eyes not lost on him. Something moved in his own eyes, but the ice did not melt.

". . . You're not a god, Seph."

"You doubt me?" Seph's pupils narrowed to pinpricks. "You'll regret that." His wings spread as he began to lift himself into the sky. "You'll wish that you had left well enough alone! Wing Slash!"

Zack's eyes widened. Wing Slash was one of the most powerful attacks. He had no choice; he would have to try to defend himself against it. His hand dove into the bag, grabbing the first materia it touched. He pulled it out. A Fire materia. Seph's main element was fire. That would give new meaning to fighting fire with fire, he thought grimly. It would be better to get the Ice materia he had in there somewhere. But there was no time.

The burst of light resembled a large wing, with all of the primary feathers as sharp as knives. Some of the knives tore free, flying directly at Zack. He gritted his teeth, holding the Fire materia in front of him as he retaliated. The blast sent the bright blades backwards, where they burst into flames and vanished. But others were already coming.

Zack could only move around the area in a desperate dance, using the Fire materia in defense. Where was the Ice one?! He had been looking for it since fighting Bizarro. Every time he meant to get it, he grabbed something else.

"Seph, you've gotta stop!" he yelled.

Now Seph was hovering again, just watching him. But the look in his eyes said that he was planning something. "Stop?" he said in disdain. "I'm just beginning. And you don't even know the horrors that I'm holding back." The last part was said with an edge of despair. "You should get out of here while you can."

"No way!" Zack cried instantly. "I promised I wouldn't leave you this time, Seph. I'm going to stay right here until I can bring you back!" His hand closed over another orb. As he drew it out, the elusive Ice materia was revealed. He swallowed hard. Using it was not something he wanted to do at all. And he would not attack Seph unless he was attacked first. Being aggressive might bring out Seph's insane side all the more, making him think that he was justified in what he was doing. All Zack wanted was to save his dear friend.

"I'm so lucky to have such a loyal friend," Sephiroth remarked, a mocking, sarcastic tone to his voice. "What should I give as a reward? It should be something very unique." His cruel expression darkened, and his strong wings spread and flapped, carrying him higher into the sky.

Zack's eyes narrowed, and he gripped the Ice materia in his hand as he watched the other. What was Seph thinking this time? The attacks had been getting steadily worse. Was it possible that . . .

"No. . . ." Sephiroth's expression changed again, to horror and alarm. "Get away from me, Zack! I'm going to use Supernova on you!"

Zack stared at him. That, along with Heartless Angel, were his most powerful attacks. If Supernova was used, all kinds of damage would be done. And once Seph started to cast it, the victim would be paralyzed until the blast was coming right at him.

"Fight it, Seph!" he screamed, standing his ground. Maybe if he did not move, if Seph knew that he was going to stay and that he would probably be hit with it, then Seph would be able to force himself to not use the attack.

Seph shook his head. He was fighting, struggling with all his might. The voices in his head were clamoring for attention. He knew Zack was the traitor, even after everything they had come through---all the missions, all the times they had sacrificed for each other, all the times Zack had reassured Sephiroth that he was his friend. Zack deserved to be harmed in the worst way possible.

No! No, that was not true! What was he thinking? Zack had always been loyal. Zack was here right now, pleading for him to break free, and insisting that he would not leave. No one would keep staying here, enduring these assaults, unless he truly cared. He could not use Supernova on Zack. He could not do anything more that would harm him. But could he even stop himself?

_"You are a god. You are punishing one who betrayed you. You know that he is unworthy of even being around you. Finish him off."_

He would not do it. If Zack would not leave, then he would leave himself, in order to protect him. But . . . why was it not working? Why could he not teleport, or even to fly away? It was as if he was paralyzed himself, doomed to enact the fateful assault. Was it his dark side's will that he remain? Was that why he could not move? Then he had to defeat his dark side. He had to overpower it once and for all.

Zack clutched at the Ice materia. Seph was trying to break free. That was obvious from his agonized expression. But the madness that had ruled over him for years was unwilling to release him from its grasp.

"The Sephiroth you are trying to speak to is only an illusion." The voice was hard again. "He is a fragment of what he once was, and not strong enough to stop his true self."

Anger surged through Zack's veins. "That isn't true!" he cried. "And you aren't Seph's true self. You're the dark part of his soul, all twisted. You're the fragment! Seph's stronger than you! Seph was always the strongest person I ever knew!"

"The stronger they are, the harder they fall." He spread his arms wide, all of his wings moving as the oversized halo caught the reflection from the sun. Then a cloud interfered, beginning to stretch across the sky and cover it in grayish-white.

Zack gazed up at him. He had to say something to that, he had to keep encouraging Seph. But . . . now no sound would come out of his mouth. It was as if his throat had been frozen. And . . . he could not move, either. His arm was suspended in place, his hand still holding the materia. He could not step back. He was paralyzed. The Supernova attack had begun, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. And now that Seph was casting it, he could not stop it, either.

The deadly light was flying out of the sky now. It had started as a pinprick and had quickly grown until it filled Zack's vision. Now he could move, but it did not do any good. It was too late. The burst slammed into him, wanting more than anything to throw him off his feet. But somehow he had to stay standing. He had to keep stepping back, until it faded. It was draining all of his energy, sending fire throughout his body. His mouth opened in a silent scream.

Suddenly it was over. He stumbled, unable to get his footing. It was like the Supernova had been the only thing holding him up. Now the dizziness was overwhelming. He had to use a Restore materia on himself. Where was it? Still in the bag? No . . . this was it in his hand. All he would have to do would be to cast Cure, and then he should be recovered enough to try to reason with Seph again. If Seph realized he had used the Supernova, he must be devastated. . . .

"No! Don't!"

His arm was grabbed and wrenched away as Seph was bearing down on him. At the same moment, a blast came from the materia. A thump and a grunt of pain filled his ears.

The orb dropped from his hands. It was like he was coming back to himself after being in a stupor. Now, as he was focusing, Seph was laying on the ground in a daze, his wings splayed all around him. The materia at Zack's feet was Ice, not Restore. The horrible truth began to register.

Immediately he ran to the other, stumbling over his shaking legs and feet. Temporary confusion was one possible side effect of Supernova. He had nearly blasted himself with the Ice materia, believing it to be Restore. And Seph had paid for it.

He crashed to his knees, gripping the other's shoulder. "Seph?!" he cried, feeling the muscles tense under his grasp. Had he hurt Seph? That was the last thing he wanted, now or ever!

A wing twitched, then another, as Seph began to stir. He was breathing somewhat heavier from the intensity of the assault, his hands limp at his sides. Then he looked to Zack, the green eyes clearing.

"I can't stay here right now. I'm hurting you. Zack . . . come find me." His body vanished, leaving behind only one white and one black feather.

For a long moment Zack knelt there, staring at the remnants of Seph's presence. That had definitely been the real one, and not another illusion. And he had hurt Seph. Indirectly, but he had still done it, blasting Seph with the materia when Seph had tried to keep Zack from hurting himself. It had been at close range, too. Was he badly injured? Had he left to try to recover, as well as to not do any more damage to Zack? He never would have said so. That was one thing about him that had not changed.

Seph had been himself again, there at the last. Had knowing he had used Supernova been what had caused him to get control? Where had he gone now? Was he still in the area?

It felt so lonely now. Maybe Seph was not around. But he was probably still watching. He was always watching. . . .

Zack extended his hand, taking the feathers. He should use his Restore materia right now, before anything else happened. Then it would be time to leave here.

With his other hand, he shakily reached into the bag and pulled out the correct orb. It was a relief to see it, but there was still a sick feeling when he thought of how he had mistaken the dangerous materia for the passive one. Poor Seph. . . .

As he cast Cure, the warm glow began to surround and penetrate his body, repairing the worst of the damage that had been caused. He should really rest for a while, especially after a Supernova assault, but how could he when he had to keep going and find Seph? Still . . . if he was in a weakened condition, he would never be able to fight Seph in that Safer form again. But it might take a while to meet up with him now.

The materia ceased its healing magic. Now it was cool in Zack's hand. He slipped it back into the bag, slowly getting to his feet. There was still some queasiness, but that should pass. He would be able to set out, continuing his quest to locate Seph.

"Okay, Seph," he said, looking down at the feathers and then out again at the landscape before him, "I'll come find you. And you'd better be ready, buddy---because next time you're not gonna slip away!"


	5. The Hand of Fate

**Notes: Thanks to Lisa for the plot help! I do love how this fic is coming. The ending of this chapter makes me squee. And there's still lots more to come!  
**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Aerith placed her hands on her hips as she surveyed the spare bedroom. This was a nice room, one that would surely meet with Sephiroth's approval. It was in a quiet part of the house, near Zack's room but far from where Kadaj and his brothers resided. It would not be a good thing for them to be too close.

But before anyone could use it, certain things would have to find new homes.

She turned, picking up a box to carry it out. It was amazing, how much pointless stuff could be collected in the Lifestream. Usually, if anything fell into it, it was destroyed altogether. But sometimes, such things rode the currents and ended up in places such as here. When that happened, Zack and Yazoo would gather them and bring them inside. She wondered sometimes what they were planning to do with them, if they just wanted mementos of Gaia or if they were planning to invent some odd thing. Zack always smirked and said he was not sure himself, but he would figure it out. And so they had been stored in this room for the time being. Well, now Zack and Yazoo would have to fit them into their rooms.

Zack had very interesting relationships with both Yazoo and Loz. With Yazoo, they had projects such as their scavenging, and sometimes they got into deep discussions. And with Loz, he enjoyed their frequent sparring sessions. It was a way for both of them to work out their excess energy.

With Kadaj . . . well, Zack did not seem to have as much contact with Kadaj. It was probably the most difficult, since Kadaj was sometimes the closest in personality to Sephiroth when he had gone mad. But still, Kadaj was his own person, and Zack was amused when Kadaj pranked the neighbors in various harmless yet annoying ways---such as hiding in their closet. Zack tried to not seem as though he was encouraging Kadaj, but it was not easy to hide his amusement.

She walked into the hall, going across it to Zack's room and leaving the box in the doorway. Then she turned, retracing her steps to what would soon be Sephiroth's room. There were still other boxes to move, and a lot of them were heavy. She sighed to herself. She might have to just push some of them across the floor to get them out.

"Mother?"

She whirled at the voice. Loz was standing there, shifting uncomfortably. But when he saw Aerith's expression, and what still needed to be done, he seemed to grow confident.

"Can I help?"

A touched smile of relief came over Aerith's features. "Yes!" she said. "These boxes need to be moved."

Loz nodded, picking up the heaviest with ease and carrying it into the hall.

Aerith continued to smile, picking up a lighter box and following.

* * *

He reappeared on the floor of the hollow, marble temple, staring up at what was left of the ceiling. The ripples in the white seemed to go on and on, stretching into infinity. Just like his own insanity.

He closed his eyes again, concentrating his strength. The white wings were vanishing now, and he began to draw the black wing back into his body. He would not stay in this form. Zack was going to keep looking for him, and he would find the other. And Sephiroth was not about to run the risk of using Supernova on him again, no matter what his dark side said!

So many emotions had crashed together when he had seen Zack again. It had been so long . . . much too long. He had been amazed, stunned, even awed---while his darker self had felt cold amusement, sadism, and disgust. Zack should not have come, the voices had whispered endlessly. It was a fool's mission, and he had a fool's hope. Sephiroth should show him the truth, that the nonsense of "saving him" would not come to pass. He did not need to be saved. He had struggled to shut out that voice. He had struggled with all his might, but he had still failed. As a result, he had even used Supernova, seriously harming his dear friend.

Being hit himself with an attack from the Ice materia had been a small price to pay in order to stop Zack from hurting himself. And when Zack had then run over, horror in his eyes and his voice, Sephiroth had been hearing unwelcome whispers in his mind. Zack had assaulted him with the Ice materia, and he should be punished for it. But he had managed to overcome it that time. He had taken control of his body again, if only for a short time, and had teleported out.

Part of him wanted Zack to come. He longed to see a kind face again, to hear a compassionate voice. And another part of him said No! Zack must stay away at all costs. There was no telling what would be done to him if he came here, to Sephiroth's home turf, to try to get through to him. And a third part laughed and said that Zack should come, that he should get what was coming to him.

Sephiroth hated that part. It was abhorrent, that it was himself, it was his own soul that wished for injury to come to Zack, even while at the same time he could not bear the thought of hurting one who had been so dear to him. How had such a thing happened to him? How had his confusion metastasized into something so abominable? Zack would not be able to do anything for him, because one so lost could never be brought back. Even though Zack was firm in believing it would and could happen.

Zack was the same in so many ways to the SOLDIER he had been, from his unruly hair to his determination and his devotion to one who was floundering in the darkness. But he was different in some ways, too. He was weighed down with a heavy burden, unlike the carefree and cheerful young man who had been Sephiroth's second-in-command and his closest friend. Life and reality had settled in, and even though he still possessed hope, there was another part that knew that sometimes one's worst nightmares came true. He had not been able to do anything to save Sephiroth at Nibelheim.

Sephiroth was afflicted with those weights as well. What he had told Zack was true---he was no longer the good man who had been revered and loved. He was not worthy of kindness or compassion, even though he still longed for it so much that it had become a deep ache in his heart.

_He was a god. He was above such things._

No! No, Zack was right. He was not a god. He never could be, not with his behavior. He was unsuited for any kind of power. If he had all the knowledge in the world, that alone would never make him a supreme being.

He opened his eyes again. Whenever the Safer form was undone, he found himself wearing the old clothes from his time as a SOLDIER---the black boots and pants, the coat . . . the off-white shoulder armor. Why had he kept them, anyway? They were not fitting for a deity.

But he liked them. They were comfortable. Maybe he still possessed them to remind him of a time when he had yet been human, when none of this had happened. Life had never been simple, per se, but it had been easier to cope with before he had succumbed to the madness.

It would be so easy to stay like this now, to just let the insanity swallow any remaining portions of "Seph" and to not hang on any longer. After so many years, the madness was as much a part of him as his existentialism and his pride. And Mother . . . Mother was always there. He could sense her even now, encouraging him, wanting him to destroy.

Jenova . . . was she really Mother? Could she be? Or was it another part of his delusion? Would a mother act like this? Would she want her son to give himself to the darkness and be lost? No . . . giving himself to the darkness would make him stronger. Jenova only wanted the best for him, and the stronger he was, the better he was. He would be the most powerful being who had ever lived on Gaia. He would cleanse the planet, and then he would rule over a new race---the Ancients reborn.

That was not what would happen. He would only destroy. Nothing would live on the planet then. And Zack . . . Zack was still there, in the back of his mind, insisting that he would not abandon his friend. Zack would be heartsick again if the planet was eliminated, if Meteor or some other disaster actually happened, and especially if Sephiroth caused it. He could not stand to see that look in Zack's eyes again.

Slowly he sat up, brushing the long bangs away from his eyes. He would not have to see it. He would not see Zack again. Zack would never reach this place. He would see that every possible way was blocked. Zack would not have the chance to speak to him again, to try to get through to his weaker self. He did not need Zack. He did not need anyone or anything except himself, and his knowledge, as he had told that fool!

No . . . Zack was his friend, his only friend. Seeing him again had further awakened that spark of sanity. In spite of himself, the meeting had given him some measure of hope and strength. And he would fight for that! He would fight for his mind. Jenova had no place in there. Neither did these thoughts of endless power and destruction and ruling over the planet! His hungering for such things was killing him inside, but he was yet alive.

It was going to stay that way. The Sephiroth who had grown so close to Zack would never have allowed such a thing as this to happen to him. Since he was not completely overcome, it was time to show the darkness that it was not his master.

Oh, but it was. He knew that, had known it for all these long years. And it would be much more beneficial to him to accept it as he had previously done, to allow it to sweep over him and carry him to new and greater things. His weaker side would never win! And neither would Zack.

He got to his feet, grasping at the edge of the marble bowl on its pedestal. When it was filled with water, it served as his guide as to what was happening on Gaia, and in the Lifestream. He had used it to monitor Zack's previous progress, and while gazing into it, he had controlled the image of Bizarro. He would look into it again now, to see what Zack was doing.

There he was, pressing forward through the wasteland. He was near to the palace now. It was so dry there, and he looked so exhausted and parched. Water was not a necessity for spirits, but Zack was very drained after the battle and would probably welcome some of the precious liquid. Sephiroth had plenty that he could give him. And he would, when Zack came there. He would give Zack the best reception he could.

Hmm. . . . All of that dry grass would probably catch fire easily. . . . What was he thinking? He could not deter Zack by setting the field ablaze! Well, why not? Let it be a warning to Zack to stay away. His weaker self could think of it as something being done for Zack's own good. He should not come here.

He passed his hand above the water, a dark smirk coming over his features. "I hope you don't mind the heat," he said.

* * *

The roaring came almost instantaneously. Zack whirled around, his eyes widening as the burning fields filled his vision. The fire was spreading much too fast, coming at him from all sides. And it was climbing higher with each passing second. Now it was far above his head. It was going to box him in! There was no way this could have happened without warning, unless it was being caused on purpose. And that meant one thing.

"Seph!" he called, coughing as he looked up at the sky. "Come on, I know you're watching! You've gotta make this stop!" He needed a materia to combat this. Fire would not be a good choice. Ice might work. The fire would melt the ice, but then the water could be used to extinguish the flames. But there was so much! The sole materia might not be able to stop it all, especially when Seph was the one responsible. Seph could make it worse any time he wished.

He plunged his hand into the bag, coughing again, as he stumbled ahead in the decreasing space. If the hungry flames on all sides met each other, then he would be toast. But Seph would not let it happen, would he? He would come back to himself enough that he would make the fire stop, if it came to that.

For once he drew out the Ice materia when he meant to. He would not be able to cast the strongest spell, but hopefully he could make it good enough to at least forge passage out of this inferno. Then, if Seph could just stop the rest of it . . . !

The ice attack flew at the fire, instantly melting down into a rain that began to pour over the flames. They flickered, beginning to shrink and burn out as Zack watched, holding his hand over his nose and mouth. Now there was a space big enough that he could escape! He dashed through, leaving the remainder of the fire behind him. The rain was putting it out.

He dropped the Ice materia back into the bag before reaching up to brush his wet hair out of his eyes. Surely Seph would not try that again. But was there anything else around he could use as weapons? Lavender eyes looked around at the shrubs, tumbleweeds, and jagged cliffs. Man, those rocks were not pleasant-looking. If Seph wanted to, he could . . .

Bad idea. Now the ground was rumbling. Some of the pieces were tearing free, rolling over and over down the mountain sides. And being whacked by a boulder would not be fun at all.

Again he reached into the bag. Here was the Comet materia. That should help. Stepping back further, he blasted at the rocks coming towards him. Shattered particles exploded in every direction, and a hand immediately flew to his eyes to shield them. Then there was silence.

He looked up, catching sight of the harmless fragments. That was all well and good, but was Seph really not planning to do anything else? It would not be surprising if something else went wrong, like a flash flood, or maybe the earth tearing asunder.

A smirk slipped over his features as he looked back up at the sky. "Hey, Seph! You're turning me into a pessimist, old buddy!" he called. "I'm starting to imagine all kinds of unnatural disasters!"

He waved. "I know you can see me, so just know I'm still coming! I'm never going to turn back!"

With that he looked back to the wasteland, taking a deep breath before beginning to walk again.

* * *

Sephiroth leaned back, crossing his arms as he observed Zack continuing on his way. Zack was resourceful, as always, and still very cheerful. Even so, he knew how Zack's heart had been pierced many times on this quest. He was inwardly aching, no matter how much he grinned and joked.

"You'll have even more of a reason to be pessimistic before this is over," he remarked.

Why was he actually so bent on stopping Zack from coming here? Partially to protect him, partially to torment him . . . but was he afraid that Zack might get through to his weaker self? That part of him was fighting harder than usual. After so many years, were his defenses wearing down in the face of everything he had done and the empty life he had been leading? Was he finally getting so he could not take it anymore?

Bah. Ridiculous. Zack's foolish hope had seeped into his soul. Well, it would just have to be eradicated.

* * *

For a while now, Zack had been seeing a white marble structure atop a cliff. As he drew closer, the many columns became visible, stretching up to the sky. Others were toppled, laying lengthwise on the jagged rocks or even on the edges of the platform. It was desolate, not a place where anyone should be living. But somehow he knew, it was obvious---Seph was there. He had been being drawn to that location ever since it had come into his view. And unless Seph was there, there was not any reason why he would be so attracted to it.

Now he was standing at the foot of the mountain. All that was left was to go up. Seph was waiting for him there, both sides of Seph. He would have to fight with his best friend again. But this time Seph was not planning to escape. They would be battling in his home. What was it that he would have planned?

Was it at all possible that his sane side would be in control? Seph had tried to torch the fields, but . . . had he been trying to hurt Zack at that point? Or had he been attempting to keep him away to protect him? Or both. . . .

Time was lost while he was hiking up the mountain. One hour could have passed, or two, maybe more. But he pressed on, keeping the palace in his line of vision at all times. There were not any obstacles in his way now, which seemed strange. The only hindrance was the mountain itself, and how long it was taking to climb to the top.

But at last he reached out, grabbing a firm rock at the top of the cliff and hoisting himself up. It was dark by now, though whether from natural night or from storm clouds, he could not tell. The palace stood out as a pale ghost against the blackish-purple sky, and as he watched, a torch near the entrance erupted into flames. This was followed by a second, and a third, and soon the entire building was bathed in the eerie glow. It was a signal from Seph. It said "Come in."

Zack took a deep breath. Well, this was it. Either he would save Seph or he would not. After this, there was not likely to be any other confrontations. Somehow, he sensed that too. He gripped his sword. What would happen if Seph's insanity won out? Would he imprison Zack, torturing him endlessly? Would he cast Zack far away, where he could not get back? Would he . . .

No. He would push all such thoughts away from him. Seph was stronger than that. Seph was going to fight and win, and Zack would be right there, encouraging him. Zack's optimism always won out.

He placed a foot on the edge of the smooth marble. The torches continued to burn brightly, casting strange lights and shadows on the floor and walls. It almost reminded him of the battle in Dismal, so long ago now, but still fresh in his mind. He had found Seph laying sprawled on the steps when it was over, bleeding to death. . . . But he had lived. He had been sane then. They had shared some of their most intense adventures during that time.

He brought his other foot up. Now he began walking, the sound echoing eerily off the pillars and the remainder of the walls. This had once been a courtyard, maybe for some long-ago god. And now Seph had taken it over, feeling that it was so appropriate for him.

_"I wondered what it took to be a god. . . . If anyone could achieve it, with the right amount of power and knowledge."_

_"I think being a god would be more about knowing how to help the people who think of you as a god. That's where the true power would come from."_

Zack clutched his sword as he advanced into the chamber, the ceiling of stars twinkling down from the roof. He remembered that conversation, and when they had had it, on one of their most dangerous and belief-challenging missions. And it had all culminated when Seph had been forced to fight that other commander, the one who had gone nuts.

_"If that ever happens to me, you'll have to kill me, Zack."_

And not even death had saved him. Zack felt a pricking at his eyes, but he blinked it back. Now was not a time for tears.

There he was. Seph was standing in front of three wide, stone steps, waiting for him. His silhouette was tall and forbidding, framed by the torches on either side. His hair streamed out behind him, blown by a quiet and yet ominous wind. He was dressed now, wearing the clothes of the past. And Zack himself was dressed similar to the SOLDIER he had once been. That seemed unsettling as well. Or maybe it was a sign.

Seph raised his left hand. In it he was holding the Masamune, and the blade gleamed with a mixture of the red fire and the gentle stars. He brought his right hand up as well, taking hold of the hilt further down. His expression was completely serious. In the heavy shadows, there was no way of telling which Seph was in control. But it was obvious what Zack had to do.

He met Seph's serious gaze with one of his own, drawing the wider, heavier sword level with the long katana.

Both lunged at the same time, their blades meeting in mid-air. Neither spoke. This was not a time for words, either. Everything that could be said, had been said. Now was the time to put it to the test.

They arrived back on earth, Sephiroth moving forward with aggression. His eyes were still veiled, but every now and then was a flicker. He was combating Zack at this moment, but he was also fighting himself. Zack was his light, and he was the darkness. Whoever won this would be the deciding factor in what happened to him.

Zack retaliated with all his might, forcing Seph to step back near the stairs. Whichever of them won the actual battle, Seph had to come out the true victor. He had to break free. He would break free! Zack parried, then turned abruptly, swinging his sword.

Sephiroth was right there to meet it. He moved without effort onto the stairs, all while continuing the fight. Then he stepped back again, onto the platform. Zack would follow him. Here he was now, running up, lunging, his expression filled with so many things to which he could not give proper voice.

Again their blades crashed. Sephiroth backed up, moving to the edge of the platform. Beyond it was only darkness, as far as he could see. And then Zack was coming at him. Sephiroth stepped aside slightly, allowing the swords to make contact. But Zack had underestimated the length of the surface. He yelped in surprise as the ground was suddenly not under his feet.

Sephiroth's eyes widened in horror, dropping the sword. He should let Zack fall. That action would allow the strength of the darkness to entirely encompass him. He would not be redeemable then. Not that he needed such a thing. A god was above redemption.

No . . . he was not a god. This was the last time he would entertain such a thought. But still . . . but still. . . . He would not save Zack in order to gain the possibility of deliverance. He would save Zack because . . .

Zack reached out, barely managing to catch hold of the edge of the palace. This side of it was directly against the cliff! He gritted his teeth. He would not be able to grip the smooth marble for very long, and there was no telling how far it was to the bottom. Somehow he had to pull himself up. If he could just get his footing . . . but he was already slipping.

A hand emerged from the darkness, taking hold of his wrist. Then another followed, snatching the front of his shirt. Lavender eyes looked up, staring into the green eyes gazing down at him. Carefully and firmly, he was pulled up.

The hands released him when he was kneeling safe on the platform again. Both men knelt for a long moment, just looking at each other. One saw surprise and relief, followed by joy. The other saw sanity as the dominant emotion, with the madness lurking in the background---instead of the other way around.

This path was not over yet, but a large step had just been taken.

Zack broke into a smile, reaching to embrace his dear friend.

Sephiroth stiffened at first, as the arms went around him. It was such a foreign thing to him now, something out of the long-distant past. For years, he would have fought viciously against such a gesture, and no one would have attempted it in the first place. But now . . . it felt so comforting. It felt as though there was hope, that he would be able to someday find the solace he sought. Zack was forgiving. This was the first sunrise in Sephiroth's life for many years.

Slowly, he brought his arms around Zack. He had saved Zack because of their friendship, because of the bonds that had never been fully broken. And someday, they would be mended entirely.

Zack shut his eyes, his emotions and his heart overflowing as he clutched at a Seph who was determined to be sane. A Seph who was going to keep fighting until it was altogether achieved. A Seph who was much more like the one Zack had lost so many years ago, at Nibelheim.

He opened his mouth to speak, but words would not come. Not until he at last choked them out through his swelling throat.

"Seph . . . welcome back."


End file.
